Be interested, not in your lover, but in your longing and how it came into being, says Philippa Perry. And develop appreciation for what you have
The question I had a very intense two-year affair with someone who, like me, had long been married. Eighteen months in, I left my wife, feeling sure my affair partner was the love of my life, and in the hope it might lead to us being together. This led to the loss of my home and much of my social network, and the need to change jobs.
My affair partner decided to stay in her marriage, citing the wellbeing of her children. She wanted to keep the relationship with me going indefinitely in secret. This rapidly became unbearable to me and I have now cut off all contact, which was not her wish. She was evasive about whether she intended, or even wanted, to leave her marriage and be with me openly. Her final message to me expressed that this was now her intention, but that she could give no sense of a timescale.