Posted in: Love and Sex, Tattle

I’m new to sex and have yet to really enjoy it. Am I broken?

I’ve slept with four men and have been unable to reach orgasm or get any pleasure. Now I feel as if I can’t do anything right

I’m 18 years old, and have been sexually active for the past two years, having slept with four men. My issue is that I have never felt truly pleasured in bed. It’s not that my partners have been bad lovers – a couple have been truly good and doting and tried everything to help me – but I have never been able to finish or even feel any form of true pleasure out of sex. I don’t feel numb down there, but I might as well be; all I feel is movement. I have never even been able to orgasm by myself. It feels like a massive build up, but there is a wall where everything feels like too much and I can’t push myself over. I wonder if maybe it’s because of my anxiety about being good? I have usually felt as if I can’t do anything right or well enough. But even when I am full of confidence and fully relaxed, it’s no different. My self-esteem is absolutely destroyed and I don’t know what to do about being able to pleasure others and being able to feel pleasure myself. Am I broken?

You are certainly not “broken”. You just haven’t yet been able to enjoy sex with a partner. This is extremely common – especially at your age. It seems to me that you are expecting a lot of yourself – that you should achieve some kind of acceptable sexual goal, a certain level of pleasure, a type of partner connection. But you don’t really seem ready to enjoy any of it.

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