Posted in: Love and Sex, Tattle

‘I have a lover, my husband sees other people too. I would like to divorce but my sons are horrified’ | Leading questions

We have a hard time letting go of our idealised images, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, but when the perfect outcome is off the table you must move on

I have two sons, aged 10 and 12, and I am unhappily married to a man who feels the same way. For many reasons, including incompatibility, we haven’t been intimate for 10 years. I have a lover, who my husband knows about, who I see every couple of months. My husband sees other people too.

I would like to separate and divorce but my sons are horrified at the idea and would rather we stayed together and try to get along. I want to put them first, but I would prefer to divorce as I panic that I will always be married to this man, and I feel trapped.

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